shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
