he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
