I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
