FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
