That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
