90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
