That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
