i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
