The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
