There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
