SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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