How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
