i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
