first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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