I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
