fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
