Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
