Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
