Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
