What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
