i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
These tits shall not be calmed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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