Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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