Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize