I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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