some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize