No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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