so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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