I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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