forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wear drunk well.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
