I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
