It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
