Can i not drive my cunt home
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
