I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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