Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
