do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
