I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
