He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
