Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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