i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How naked do you want me to be?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
