So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's blow job season.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
