He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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