Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
