She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
