The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize