My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
