I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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