We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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