gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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