you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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