...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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