Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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