...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
