The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
