My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
