I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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