Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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