Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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