I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
