38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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