I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
