what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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