Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
